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There I wrote something for today. NOW LAY OFF ME!!

My Sister’s birthday was yesterday. She wanted cheesecake so we went to the cheesecake factory. If you don’t know what that is its a sit down restaurant that has a lot of options for food and more options for cheesecake. Its not bad. We drank we discussed, I argued with my Dad about the merits (or lack there of) of Hydrogen Peroxide. Its shit by the way, doesn’t do anything in small amounts and is dangerous in large.

I kind of hate birthdays, well not all birthdays. I hate my birthday. It hasn’t always been this way. I remember liking my birthday as a child just like everyone else. “Presents!” and all that. but some time after my 18th they stopped being exciting and started being…annoying? Uncomfortable? 19 and 20 are OK as they are steps to 21. 21 Is good and it was a good birthday (or so I’m told). But everything since then has just happened. I don’t ever feel older or surprised. Gifts are nice but usually cash or gift cards work best. People say I’m hard to buy for but I have a hard time understanding that. I like video games, comic books, novels, and nerdy t shirts. Not the most difficult stuff to find.

I think its the reminder that time keeps moving forward rather I want it to or not. It stretches endlessly and that number that keeps clicking up and up reminding me that I am anything but endless.

Also its embarrassing. I’m a grown man I can by my own cake.

 

Today I went to a friends “gender reveal” party. The concept immediately made my eyes roll so fast to the back of my head they almost fell out but it ended up being very relaxed and the food was good. There wasn’t  any beer at the event which took me as rude since there was also about 50 children no older than 7 running around. Which struck me as odd because there was only about 20 adults there and most of them didn’t have kids.

I’m pretty sure I want kids…eventually. My buddy is ready, he’s got a big heart and I can tell just by looking at him that the whole situation makes him happy. Him and the mother of his child also got formally engaged at the event, the whole thing was very sweet even to this jaded twenty something.

I like kids, I really do. Its a shame that a full grown man can’t fully admit to that these days without fear of someone thinking something unspeakable. I enjoy hanging out with them, they are funny, have unique and unfettered opinions and very skewed perspectives that are genuinely hilarious. Also they like cartoons and so do I. I guess its just easy to get along with kids when you’re a big kid yourself.

I do want kids…but I can wait. Time to drink beer and play video games. Lates!!

I used to play games ENDLESSLY

When I was a kid I could sit and play a game for a dozen hours straight. Was I an overweight child? Rude of you to ask but yes. That’s neither here nor there quite frankly and I demand we move on.

These days I’m an adult( as much as I have tried to suppress that fact) and that doesn’t leave me with a lot of time to play games. I have to work, pay bills, buy groceries, obsessively checking my teeth to convince myself I don’t have to pay for a dentist. You know, “life”.

Pause Break

So as of this writing I just woke up hung over from staying up late with my SO drinking and listening to music we liked when we were teenagers. ADULT!

The point of all this is that the things that give us an endless amount of joy as children either stop giving us that same feeling or we end up simply not having the time for them. For me its probably a little bit of both…well…20/80 joylessness and time. As you become older you start resenting the world for being what the world has always been which is only natural so 20% there. The other 80% comes from adult guilt and the need to justify ever little bit of nonproductive activity because you wouldn’t want to “waste time” doing something you “enjoy”.

Maybe adulthood isn’t so much about denying yourself things but deciding for yourself what is important.People often talk about maintaining a sense of self and self worth. Mental health days, eating out once in awhile, purposefully pretending not to hear that one coworker. These are all things that help with keeping you you and happy. So fuck it? Do what makes you happy? Easy ideals that I clung to in the more difficult moments of my life but now I have people relying on me…OK a very self sufficient girlfriend and a cat but that cat is VERY demanding.

So when does the wave of life decisions and responsibilities bend the tree to the breaking point? Never? Always? Probably both. Like most people I had dreams that I put aside for the sake of freedom and Independence from parents who loved me and provided for me. Now I find myself in an equilibrium where I can entertain these notions again. Hence The New Sage is born. It’s something, for now.

Well its Sunday and my apartment is clean and my head hurts so I’m going to dive into some game or netflix show or…both.

Ill let you know how it went tomorrow.

What is work satisfaction?

I’ve heard people talk about this before and I believe I understand the concept but I’m 27 and have had a handful of jobs ranging from customer service to costumer service and have never experienced such a thing. I mean I have worked on Things that took effort and I felt satisfied with them but I was never paid for any of that.

Mostly writing that no one read and videos that no one watched of me playing ps2 games…anyway

I think I would like to find a job that satisfied me in all the ways a job can, financially, creatively, spiritually( I guess). I write here to help myself understand what I am capable of, at least in short form, creating with words. Creativity is a formless often nebulous idea to people but I’m not so sure. I think I am capable of creative thought and I’m often good off the cuff. I don’t KNOW that’s true but I wrote it because I want to believe it.

My goal is to get paid to write about…something. I would like to write about video games but beggars cant be choosers and honestly work satisfaction is a luxury. One almost no one can afford. I like my current job but its just a weekly grind that is capped off by bouts of brief joy when I’m home or during the weekend. A cliche’ I know, writer who hates his day job, but man I fucking hate my job sometimes.

Ah well, its Friday night. I’m going to get drunk and eat and play video games. That will be satisfying.

“They say write what you know”

Who says? No seriously I have no idea. Whenever I have heard that phrase it has been characters in prime time sitcoms.

“they say write what you know” says titular character of What the fuck else are you going to watch. Pan right over the characters shoulder to see they have written How to Punch Babies on Accident. Laugh Track. Credits.Emmy.

I’ve asked myself many times what it is I know. I know what I like. Video games, Movies, Podcasts, Hot chicken wings, Books, Women (1 more than others), unpopular music, writing(i guess). Not always in that order. I’m not sure a blog just about chicken wings is sustainable, like, physically. My girlfriend probably wouldn’t enjoy me musing over women all the time. I’ll write about all the other stuff I suppose.

Who am I to do that? Nobody. I’m a white, college educated, middle-class, heterosexual, cis gendered, man. I’m boring/the devil. Which I say with absolutely no sarcasm or resentment. I consider myself a fairly liberal and open minded individual. I’m sure that will come through in future posts and if it doesn’t just take my word for it.I’m just a mildly creative person who wants to write stuff that people read. if you are reading this, Thanks!

I currently live in my hometown that I have lived in since birth. I am 27 at the time of this writing and thats as sad and uninteresting as it sounds to some of you and also as comforting as it sounds to the other half of you. I live with my GF in an apartment and we have a sinister cat that loves one of us (its me, she loves me).

that about covers it.

I. Am. Going. To. Write. Here. Every. Damn. Day.

I wrote it so now I have to.